Simplicity (final value – #10!)

As I went over the list of values I had previously brainstormed that I (and my husband) want to foster in our family, I realized that I could be constantly thinking, changing things, and substituting certain values for other values – I think reevaluating them periodically will be something I seek to do as time goes on. I did decide that I wouldn’t blog on the value of “kindness,” and that, while important in its own right, I would instead (for now) lump it in with the value of “loving others.’ That leaves me with one final value to write on – simplicity.

I’ll be honest. I have been avoiding writing about simplicity. While it sounded nice that I want my life and our family’s life to be one of simplicity, it turns out that I really couldn’t hammer anything concrete out in my mind regarding what that would entail. Or – I could think of so many ways I could take the discussion that I gave up, not knowing which one to follow in my writing. Basically, I allowed my thinking on simplicity to get … complicated??! Oh, Dawn (sigh).  As a result … I avoided the topic. But, hey – let’s face it … avoiding tough things that must be dealt with is never really the best solution, is it? (shoot!)

But, the value ‘simplicity’ was not to be put off forever – and today is the day I stop avoiding it. (wish me luck!)

Simplicity = not complicated, not complex, easy to understand or deal with. (source)

In what ways do I tend to make our family’s life more complicated than it needs to be? Well, I can easily jam too many things into our schedule, I can think we need a bunch of “stuff” to be better parents or to raise Godly, healthy, well-adjusted kids, and I can think too hard about everything I “should” be doing with my kids each day so that they’re growing and learning. I can major on the minors. I can get sucked into comparing what other families are doing and decide that what they’re doing is also best for us. Need I go on? I think I’m making it pretty clear that I can easily complicate my own life as well as our family’s, so I think I’ll stop there. 🙂

Doing the above usually ends up in me becoming frazzled, continuously living life in a hurried fashion, and overall not investing in the right things and people. Instead, I really want to remember the 2 things I believe our lives are to be about, anyway … loving God and loving people. I realize those can be unpacked in so many ways and that stating those 2 life goals is not where things end. But … it is where things begin. Knowing those are the 2 things I want to guide my life is crucial – you have to know where you’re beginning, because otherwise, how do you start making the right decisions for your family? I realize this is just the beginning of such a discussion, but I think this is a good start. We’ll leave it here for now … however, I challenge you as well as myself to keep thinking about it!

A few practical ways/thoughts to incorporate this value in my family’s life:

• Think well about and pray about what activities our family is to take part of. Don’t over-schedule our week and overwhelm us all in the process.
• Learn from what other families are doing, but don’t compare. Rest in how God has led our family and the things we feel are right for us.
• Focus on my kids and not get sucked into worrying about all of the things I should be doing in order to help them learn and develop properly. Relax! I definitely want to teach my kids and encourage them toward learning about the world around them, but sometimes I need to chill out and … just enjoy them.

And thus ends the formal discussion on values … for now. I know this discussion will continue to come up in the future, but for now, it’s time to move on …

Thanks for the ways you’ve added your input! And in that vein, do you have any thoughts on leading a simple life?

Community (value #10)

If you are thinking that you didn’t see “community” as a value in my original list, you’re right. But as I’ve been thinking more about things, I’ve realized that this one has to be on the list. Community is something my husband and I want to foster within our family (as well as with others outside of our family, but that’s for a different post), and, as with most things, I’m seeing this value can easily can get crowded out if you’re not careful.

“Community” is described on dictionary.com as, “a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it exists.” (source) I think that’s a good start to a definition, but it still needs to be fleshed out a bit. Shun-Luoi and I want our family to be a little community in which the members love each other well, are unified, serve each other, help each other be the people God created them to be, and have similar purpose in engaging the world around them. Another aspect of community we desire is for each member of our family to contribute in some way to the community, rather than having the community revolve around any one certain person. I realize it is hard to not let the family revolve around our kids, but we really do want to fight against that. We want our kids to know that it is not “all about them,” but rather that they will realize they have an opportunity to be part of something bigger than themselves.

Practical ways to encourage this value within our family:

• Emphasize family meals together, especially breakfast and supper. I can all too often set Elijah up with some food for breakfast, then use the time while he’s eating to race around, trying to accomplish a few things during that time. I instead want to use that time for us (whoever is home) to sit down together, talk about the upcoming day, and read out of Elijah’s bible story book.
• Pick out a few daily chores for Elijah (and eventually Abigail), and then make a chore chart for him. He already enjoys helping me load the washer, unload the dishwasher, put the recycling out in the bin, and can pick up his toys (amongst other things). I think it’s important for him to always have small ways (and larger, as he gets older) in which he can contribute to the family. We also ask him often to pray at mealtimes.
• Serve together – we think it is a great idea to pick out some ways in which we can serve each others as a family. We could pick up trash at a local park, rake a neighbors leaves, or serve a meal at a local homeless shelter. We would not only be doing it together, but also passing along the values we feel are important to our children.

Do you think your family is growing toward being a community, or are you each doing your own thing? For those of you who want “community” to be a value fostered in your family, what are the practical ways in which you encourage it?

Curiosity, learning, and exploration (value #9)

Curiosity, learning, and exploration. I could probably blog about each of those as values of our family, but decided that there was enough overlap to keep them together and discuss them in one blog post.

In some ways, these values aren’t ones I personally have to really conjure up in our family. I have a 10 month-old who started crawling just a few weeks ago, and is getting into things, putting things in her mouth, and figuring out how to do things like standing up. And then there’s Elijah (2.5 years old) – if you’ve been around a boy his age even a few times, you know that exploration and curiosity (and therefore, learning) are some of the biggest things that guide much of their behaviors and attitudes. However, I also realize that I can celebrate and encourage these values, or easily shut them down. For example, if we are out and about, Elijah has to look at, sit on, jump off of (you get the picture) most things he encounters. I easily see this as him “getting into everything” and I can quickly get exasperated with him. However, my husband will often say, “Remember Dawn, he’s exploring his world.” He isn’t asking me to give Elijah license to misbehave, but to give him the chance to really use his senses and learn about those things that are going on around him. And you know what? I think my husband is right. Sometimes I need to chill out and just let him get into things and look at the many wonders around him, even if it seems like an “inconvenience” to me.

Our kids learn so much so quickly – it really is amazing. However, we can also be intentional to encourage this learning process or we can hinder it. Do we put them in situations where they can try new things? Do we allow them to struggle in certain circumstances because we believe it’s important for them to figure some things out for themselves rather than give up easily? Do we use our everyday, common experiences to help our kiddos learn? Or do we instead figure that they will learn when it’s time for them to go to preschool/school? Do we allow them to be entertained by tv/movies for hours at a time rather than encourage them to use and develop their minds and learn how to entertain themselves? (fyi – this blog post is not meant to be a commentary on kids and their use of media) I’m not saying that everything has to be turned into a “learning” experience, but I am finding that encouraging these things in my childrens’ lives requires intentionality (ah, that word again!).

Practical ideas for incorporating these values into our family:

• I mentioned this in a previous post, but it fits here as well. I like to take my children on “walks o’ exploration.” I pick a place where Elijah can choose the path to take (to whatever extent still keeps him safe) and then follow his pace. Chances are that he’ll find a lot of things on his own, but I can still point out different objects or places and also talk about what letter each object starts with. We can count rocks, pine cones, sticks, etc. I can encourage him to try things they haven’t tried (ie. jumping off of something with my help – yes, I am a mother of a boy! ;)). We can talk about colors. The options are endless! These walks get us outside, gives Eliah exercise, and allows him to explore and learn.
• Sing the abc’s, count, and read to Abigail daily. Shun-Luoi started singing the abc’s to Elijah at a very early age and I think it is, although just one factor, one of the reasons why Elijah does so well with letters and can even identify about 80% of the letters by sight. We also started counting with him and reading to him very early on – I believe this is why he can count to 10 and loves to read. I am finding it is easy to not be as intentional with a 2nd child, but this is something I really want to improve on.
• Be intentional about introducing different genres of music (especially classical) and musical instruments to the kids.
• Begin teaching the kids things even before they can understand it and talk to them in “adult speak.” Shun-Luoi and I are finding that Elijah can do way more than I sometimes think he can. Just after he turned 2, Shun-Luoi began to talk to Elijah about speaking in complete sentences. Honestly, I thought he was crazy. I told Shun-Luoi I thought complete sentences was beyond a 2 year-old’s comprehension. However, he kept up with it and sure enough, one day, unprompted, Elijah came up to me and said, “May I have more peaches?” I was floored! Shun-Luoi’s persistence paid off and I learned to expect more of my children than I do – kids really can understand and do more than we think they can. Also, Shun-Luoi and I are not really “baby-talkers.” We begin talking (using words children can comprehend) in adult voices to our kids basically from the beginning, not using a lot of baby words for objects, etc. I know this may be a personal preference, but I can’t help wonder if doing so contributed to Elijah working hard to repeat words the way we were saying them vs. continuing to use his baby words.

Obviously, my list pertains to small children because that’s the stage I am in right now. If you have older kids, you will have to be creative and think of some different types of ideas of incorporating these values into your kids’/family’s life. What are specific ways in which you encourage curiosity, learning, and exploration in your kids’ lives? Please share!

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Being generous (value #8)

Generosity.

What is it, exactly?

When I think about a generous person, I tend to think of someone who gives a lot of money towards something, or someone who will give material gifts, and often. But there has got to be more to it than that. And so I went to my trusty online dictionary (remember the days of actually pulling a dictionary off the shelf to look a word up? They seem so long gone …), which said that the word, “generous” means “liberal in giving or sharing; unselfish.” (source) Wow – that brings a whole different view of the word for me … honestly, it seems “easier” to give money or other material things to someone or toward a cause; but to consider generosity as more of a mindset and subsequently, all it then entails? It’s no longer so easy, because now, it means to give liberally of things like my time, my energy, the things I own, and my love; (just to mention a few) things that may “hurt” a little bit more to give. Whew!

But yes, those are the kind of people I want our family to be – generous in all of the above-listed things and overall, in mindset.

Thinking of some practical ways to implement this value into our everyday lives was not easy for me. However, here are a few ideas my husband and I came up with:

• Our weekends are pretty precious to us as we get some of our best family time during them. However, we thought of the idea of offering to watch another family’s kiddos for part of a Saturday so that the husband/wife could get away for a date.
• For the past 2 years, we have put together a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child and we choose to send it to a boy around Elijah’s age. This year before Christmas, it will be great to explain what the shoebox is all about, and let him help us pick out some gifts to go into the box.
• Looking around the neighborhood to see who may need some help raking leaves and raking as a family.
• Before Elijah’s friends come over, talk to him about sharing and have him pick out a toy he is going to intentionally share with his friend(s). Have him give the toy to the child shortly after s/he enters our house. As Shun-Luoi and I talked about, this could be a hard lesson for Elijah if the friend does not want to play with the offered toy. However, we realize that people may not always receive our generosity, but that we should still offer it.

And hey, since we’re talking about giving, it only seems right to have a giveaway! I’ve always thought it looked so fun when some of the bigger-named blogs I follow have giveaways. However, I figure we small bloggers can also give things away – why not? And so … for my first ever giveaway, I am giving a $20 giftcard to Starbucks (or Caribou Coffee, depending on where you live and which one is more prevalent in your area).

But, there’s a catch. In order to enter, you must leave a comment sharing a practical way in which you and/or your family could practice generosity. Leave your comment and you will be entered for a chance to win the giftcard! The winner will be randomly chosen on Sunday evening (Oct. 23rd), so comments must be in by 7 pm MST. The winner will be announced on Monday (Oct. 24th) morning.

So, take a minute, think, and put your name in for the drawing! A nice [insert your favorite coffee drink] could be your reward for doing so.

Being intentional (value #7)

The longer I live, the more I realize how importance being intentional (or purposeful, if you prefer using that word) is. If I’m not intentional in relationships, they suffer or do not grow. If I am not intentional as a mother, the right things don’t get focused on during the days I spend with the kids. If I am not intentional about living out who God made me to be, I quickly start living in ways that aren’t even remotely “me.” However, I will be the first to admit that I can be lazy – there are times or even days when I don’t want to be intentional about any of the above or quite frankly, about a lot of other things. As a result, I get frustrated, my priorities get mixed up, and it can become quite the mess. I want our family to be intentional about … well, everything we’ve been talking about since we started discussing values. Dictionary.com states that the definition of “purpose” (because its definition of “intention” basically points to the definition of “purpose”) is “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” (source). I realize now that this discussion of values has come full circle – the reason I even started the whole process of thinking through what values I desire our family to cultivate is so that we can be intentional with our days. Just say “no” to floundering!

I am not even going to spell out a list of practical suggestions for implementing this into our family because I can basically sum it up by saying these 2 things:

1. Continue thinking through/tweaking the list of values for our family to cultivate and practical ways in which they can look (much like I already am).
2. Do the things I have come up with.

That’s it.

Well, maybe it’s not quite that easy, but seriously – we don’t just need to sit around and think about all of this. We need to act!

Starting today!

And along the way, I think we need to pinpoint the things that keep us from being intentional and then weed them out of our lives. Some of traps I fall into are: laziness, being undisciplined with my time and/or getting sucked into time-wasters, and letting myself getting swept away in the whirlpool of busyness.

What are the things that keep you from being intentional?

Are you content with the intentionality that is or is not put into your days and or your life? Are you merely being swept along for the ride or are you being purposeful in relationships, tasks, and in the living out of who you were created to be?

Let’s get intentional … right now.

Thinking beyond ourselves

Happy Monday! I hope you had a great weekend. Ours was spent going on a family hike at Garden of the Gods park, taking the kids to a giant pumpkin/vegetable contest, spending lazy time on our back deck together in the great weather, and cleaning out/organizing our garage, among other things. It was great family time and I must admit, I was a bit was sad when Monday morning arrived. But, alas – the new week begins and with it, comes a new post about another value I want to be part of our family culture.

Sixth value: being others-focused

In a society where we are told to work on our own self-esteem, do what makes us happy, and, well, basically that it’s all about us, it can be hard to be others-focused. It’s ironic that we are fed those messages, because – hey, let’s admit that it comes pretty naturally to think about ourselves and be selfish. We really don’t need all that much encouragement to do so. Even the Bible tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, because God knew that we easily focus on ourselves in the way we need to be focusing on others. However, the Bible also says that the greatest two truths we are to follow in life are to love God and love others. Because of this (and because, quite frankly, life isn’t all that great when I make it just about me), I desire that my kids, my husband, and I learn more about focusing on others. I am not saying that we shouldn’t take good care of ourselves or take time for ourselves where we need it, but I am saying that our attitudes and hearts should be focused more on others than merely looking out for our own self-interests. Below, I have listed some ways to focus on people outside of your home, but it would also be good to think about how to intentionally love and bless those right inside your own house (much like Elijah in the picture below, where he is sharing some of his beloved muffin with his sister!).

Practical ways for me to encourage this value:

• Every week, talk with Elijah about who we could do something kind for – let him be a part of the decision-making process. Then, do something like taking baked goods, a hot cup of coffee, or a pumpkin (think seasonal!) to a friend or someone we know (or even who we don’t really know) who needs to be encouraged or who we just want to “love on.”
• Encourage Elijah (and Abigail, eventually) to ask other people questions. I have a friend who recently encouraged her 2.5 year-old to ask me what my favorite color was (we had been talking about colors). I loved how she steered her daughter on to think about others – what a great idea! We also have been teaching and encouraging Elijah to ask people “how are you?” when he talks to them on the phone or when we are together with other friends.
• Think about, and bless the people who serve you, many who probably rarely get thanked. We enjoy when we get to greet our “Mailman Mark” and receive the mail from him. Someday, I would like to have Elijah draw him a picture and then help him tape it on the mailbox (maybe I should check and see if that’s illegal first?) or leave him a Starbucks giftcard to let him know we’re thankful for the way he serves us. I’d also love to do the same thing for our garbage men – they are the kindest garbage guys I’ve ever met! However, even if they weren’t, I would still want us to think about how we can bless them, because we are called to love others, period. Not if and when we think they deserve it, but period.

What a great challenge, huh? This is a subject that gets me pretty excited and I could go on and on about it, but will stop here. However, I would like to know how you and your family intentionally bless others – leave me a comment and share with the rest of us! (And ahem, you may want to get used to making comments here because, sometime this week, I just may or may not have a giveaway which will require you to leave a comment to enter. I’m just sayin’ … ;))

… and more values

And on we continue through the list of values I desire to characterize my family’s days together …

Third value: fun (and dare I add, “silliness??”)

Isn’t it funny that “fun” has to be something intentionally built into our days? When did we get so serious? When did we start caring so much about what others think that we can’t be a little silly? Well, as I have written about in a different post, it is so easy, particularly when you have small children who need consistent (and at times, very often) correction, to forget about having fun. Instead, the focus becomes to make sure your children are being still when they “should be” or that they’re being obedient and we forget that, while these things are important, our kids need to be allowed to be the silly kiddos that they are!

Practical ideas for encouraging this value:

• Have frequent dance parties with the kids and/or as a whole family. It’s true – I dance like a typical white Scandanavian … loose hips and flowing dance moves don’t really come naturally! However, that’s what makes it so silly! When Elijah was younger (pre-Abigail), we had gotten into a short-lived habit of having weekly dance parties where we would pick 2-3 songs in a specific music genre and then just dance! We danced to salsa music, to hip-hop, and even to country one night (which my husband incorrectly would argue is not really music)! It was fun and it also accomplished the task of exposing Elijah to different types of music. We have gotten away from that habit, but I think it needs to be reinstated!
• While reading books, use different voices for each character and really make it a fun read.
• Making games out of ordinary things … I often challenge Elijah to races when we’re just walking or encourage him to “chase Mama’s shadow!”
• Make up and sing silly songs together.

Fourth and fifth values: creativity & variety (I am finding overlap between these 2 as I think more about them …)

Sometimes I get stuck in a rut in each area of my life, including the role of being a mother. I rely on the same activities, the same books and the same games to do with my kids. I serve the same meals. You see what I mean? Sometimes we just need to think a bit harder or consult some other sources are there are tons of books and blogs out there that can help us with creativity in our homes. I’m not saying that every day needs to be completely different than the previous one – if fact, I realize that some routine is healthy for our kids. However, I know that my days could stand a bit of creative thinking sometimes – who’s with me? When looking at the value in a different light, I also want to encourage my kids to be creators (Dictionary.com states that to create is “to evolve from one’s own thought or imagination, as a work of art or an invention”), and I want to open their minds to all the ways in which they can create.

Practical ideas for encouraging this value:

• Give Elijah plenty of opportunities to be a creator with different materials; paper and pencils/crayons/markers/scissors/paints, blocks, sand, ingredients to bake with, etc.
• Consult lists like this one to find new and different activities for my children. Do this ahead of time so I have a new idea for our day’s activities before the day begins.
• Have a meal every now and then in a different location, ie. a picnic outside or on our living room floor.
• Pick one new place to visit with the kids each few weeks, whether it be a new park or other places such as a zoo, children’s museum, etc.
• There are things I want to go over with Elijah each day, but I want to mix it up in how I go about them every now and then. One example of this is when I practiced the letters of the alphabet with Elijah by drawing each letter out in our sandbox (vs. flashcards or other traditional ways in which to practice your letters).

What are the silly/fun things your family enjoys doing together? Where do you get your inspiration for creativity regarding your day’s activities or for spurring your children on to creativity?

Thinking through our values

As you read in my last post, I am currently thinking through the various values that I want to characterize my days at home with the kiddos. I thought it would be interesting to take several values off my list of 11 in each of the upcoming blog posts and think through what living out each specific value could look like practically.

First value: Learning Truth and living in it.

As I think about it, I realize that I could write about one year’s worth of blog posts just on this … or actually, a whole lifetime’s worth of blog posts. Because of that, this is going to be uber-simplified and I know that, but I do realize you have other things to do today other than reading a “blog post” that is actually the length of a novel. So … the first value has everything to do with Truth. Note the capital T in truth … that is not a typo. Although we live in a world of relativism and the thinking that “nothing is absolute,” our family believes differently. We believe that there is absolute truth and that it can be known. We believe this truth is found in the Bible and that we can know the truth about who we are and who God is (and how we are to relate to Him) according to what it says. We don’t consider these our “religious” beliefs that are only talked about on Sundays, but that they are the foundational beliefs of who we are and how we live … everyday. Because of this, it only makes sense that we would think through how we want to pass along these truths to our kids – we realize that, ultimately, our kids have to make their own decisions regarding what they do and don’t believe, but we do want to create an atmosphere in our home where we talk through what the Bible says and why we believe what it says should guide how we live our lives (while keeping an atmosphere where our kids can also ask and talk about other beliefs).

Practical ways for me to encourage this value:

• Read a story out of the kids’ Bible to them each day during breakfast. (If you are looking for a solid, Jesus-centered Bible for your kids, I highly recommend the Jesus Storybook Bible). Ask questions to help Elijah understand as much as he can and reaffirm the truths that he already knows about Jesus and about each specific story in the Bible. Also, review the story we read the day before.
• Throughout the day, reaffirm what we know to be true about God as it applies to each situation. As an example – after Elijah has a “time out” and I am talking with him about what he did wrong, I sometimes remind him that I will always love him, no matter what he does. We then also talk about God and how He also will always love us no matter what we’ve done.
• We talk about how God wants us to treat each other as the day goes along. These days, we talk about kindness a great deal as Elijah and Abigail are interacting more and more. Other Biblical values about relating with others that I want to begin discussing more are forgiveness and patience.

Second value: Physical activity     *(no, I am not going in order of my original post)

Shun-Luoi and I desire our family to be a physically active one and one that spends a good amount of time outdoors. Our last home was a 500 square-foot cabin and as Elijah became mobile, I quickly saw that he and I would both go crazy if we didn’t go outside daily (usually once in the morning and once in the afternoon) for some active time because of the amount of energy he had (and continues to have). Each morning by 10 am, we would be out walking around on “walks ‘o exploration,” as I called them. I would usually let him choose where to walk and we would go up stairs, down stairs, run, walk, chase cats, pick up rocks/stones/you name it, walk on ledges, etc. etc. Those were really great times! Now that we live in a bigger place, the temptation can be to stay inside more, but I am really trying to make sure we get outside at least once most days, and I don’t mean merely to get into the car, but to go for a bike ride (Elijah loves his tricycle and is great at riding it), go for walks, or to play in our huge backyard.

Practical ways to encourage this value:

• Pick out a new park to visit and play at one day each week.
• Try to get outside and go for a walk (not in the stroller, but where Elijah himself walks) each day if possible, if we are not going to play at a park.
• When we are inside, make up fun games that include some kind of  physical activity like running, jumping, and/or throwing (yes, we allow certain things to be thrown at certain times in our household!).
• Go for family hikes on the weekends. (On our last vacation, we went on numerous hikes and Elijah did great! They really can do more than we think they can, even at a young age.)

Wow, thinking through each value and how it can look practically within our family is going to be even better for me than I thought. Plus, it’s getting me excited to implement and/or continue to implement some of these things in our days! Are either of these values ones you seek to live out? What are practical ways you implement them?

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By the way, if you have any questions about the belief system our family tries to live by, please let me know. I would love to talk about it more (whether you agree or disagree).