Whining in my head
I am pretty tired these days.
You know the kind of tired where you feel physically ill because you’re so exhausted? That’s how I’ve felt lately.
Having sick kids for the last 3 weeks and getting sleep schedules all “off” is what has done it to me. Whew!
I didn’t realize I was being an internal whiner about my exhaustion, though. I really didn’t. However, I now realize I have been just that.
A week ago, I was talking with some friends about the kids being sick and made the comment that I’m pretty sure I had “put in my time” and that we should now be good to go for the winter (with good health). I know that’s not true, but I just wanted to believe it just for a few minutes to make myself feel better. The husband remarked that there is no such thing as “putting in your time” when it comes to sick kids and I told him that I knew that, but I just wanted to live in my world of delusion just a bit longer. And then it hit me …
I have been whining in my head about my kids’ sickness and subsequent lack of sleep. I have been waiting for a full night of sleep because then things would “be all right.” If I could just have more sleep, I would be motivated to get things done around the house, I would be more patient with the kids, and I would enjoy being a mother more overall right now (you moms know that it can be challenging when you’re sleep-deprived to find as much joy as you want to in being a mom). But, you know what? It could be weeks more before I get that full night’s sleep … I really can’t wait for that night to come before I do the things that I need to do and be the kind of wife/mom/person I want to be and was created by God to be.
I need to stop whining.
I need to move forward and live. If I spent the time I spend focused on myself and how tired I am doing the things that need to be done and that are the most important, then my house would be in better shape and I would be loving my kids and husband better (the 2 things that are way more important than the house anyway … however, having a picked-up house is a little piece of sanity for me!). I do really believe that God can give the grace needed to do the things that I need to be doing each day (according to Him rather than according to me). Now I have to live like I believe it rather than waiting for that perfect night of sleep (which I’m pretty sure may not come for years now that I have small children) or depending on my own strength to pull myself through.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong to admit that I’m tired. I don’t think it’s wrong to take naps and try to catch up on sleep when I can. However, I don’t want to be a whiner about my tiredness, either internally or out-loud. I really do desire to live life fully in spite of whatever circumstances I find myself in.
How about you? Have you been a whiner lately? You may want to think about doing something about that … care to join me in doing the same?