My Daily Roadtrip

Whining in my head

I am pretty tired these days.

You know the kind of tired where you feel physically ill because you’re so exhausted? That’s how I’ve felt lately.

Having sick kids for the last 3 weeks and getting sleep schedules all “off” is what has done it to me. Whew!

I didn’t realize I was being an internal whiner about my exhaustion, though. I really didn’t. However, I now realize I have been just that.

A week ago, I was talking with some friends about the kids being sick and made the comment that I’m pretty sure I had “put in my time” and that we should now be good to go for the winter (with good health). I know that’s not true, but I just wanted to believe it just for a few minutes to make myself feel better. The husband remarked that there is no such thing as “putting in your time” when it comes to sick kids and I told him that I knew that, but I just wanted to live in my world of delusion just a bit longer. And then it hit me …

I have been whining in my head about my kids’ sickness and subsequent lack of sleep. I have been waiting for a full night of sleep because then things would “be all right.” If I could just have more sleep, I would be motivated to get things done around the house, I would be more patient with the kids, and I would enjoy being a mother more overall right now (you moms know that it can be challenging when you’re sleep-deprived to find as much joy as you want to in being a mom). But, you know what? It could be weeks more before I get that full night’s sleep … I really can’t wait for that night to come before I do the things that I need to do and be the kind of wife/mom/person I want to be and was created by God to be.

I need to stop whining.

I need to move forward and live. If I spent the time I spend focused on myself and how tired I am doing the things that need to be done and that are the most important, then my house would be in better shape and I would be loving my kids and husband better (the 2 things that are way more important than the house anyway … however, having a picked-up house is a little piece of sanity for me!). I do really believe that God can give the grace needed to do the things that I need to be doing each day (according to Him rather than according to me). Now I have to live like I believe it rather than waiting for that perfect night of sleep (which I’m pretty sure may not come for years now that I have small children) or depending on my own strength to pull myself through.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think it’s wrong to admit that I’m tired. I don’t think it’s wrong to take naps and try to catch up on sleep when I can. However, I don’t want to be a whiner about my tiredness, either internally or out-loud. I really do desire to live life fully in spite of whatever circumstances I find myself in.

How about you? Have you been a whiner lately? You may want to think about doing something about that … care to join me in doing the same?


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2 thoughts on “Whining in my head

  1. What an important subject to bring out into the open. It is no wonder the LORD reminded us not to grumble (is that the same as whining? in my head it is.)
    What a challenge: and each one of us seems to have our area where we need to be thankful rather than whine. Sometimes I’ve found that the very things that I internally whine about: if I will embrace it I will discover it has a golden lining of blessing.
    I thought my now l6 year old would never stop wandering into our room to sleep…. just lay down here, Nye, I would say in my sleep…and I would drop my hand over the side of the bed and hold his as he tried to sleep and I returned to sleep. Then it changed to, “Mom, what about or what does this mean, etc?: those questions usually invaded my sleep at about 12:00 or l:00 a.m. His mind was busy and he was definitely not sleeping. I would try to awaken and answer his question. Still at this process at l5, he no longer comes at l6. I knew the time would come when he would just lay in bed and think and I would miss the night time encounters. And so often I was so tired, I wondered if he would ever learn to sleep and learn not to waken me when I was asleep. I knew I would in some way miss it and I certainly do. It means that his time at home is becoming increasingly limited: he’ll want to move on in life and I certainly do not look forward to an empty nest though I do look forward to a night’s sleep.
    At 66, I figure I can wait…he’ll soon be gone and how I miss all the children. But I do know this: he learned that Mom is always available for him night or day– and all my children know they can call home 24 hours a day, no matter what, and I’ll listen and pray. So, though I also whined about being tired and being wakened (in my head I whined) I am thankful the LORD set my feet and heart on a different path as i began those night time vigils–though there are times I have to check the whining yet!

  2. Mind if I leave a second comment. I’ve had 66 years to practice whining in my head. And I’ve learned a lot of things the hard way! I’ve learned that family cultures and fad books affect how we think as well as how we raise our children and our response to life. Makes me wish I spent more time in the Word rather than in people’s ideas. Some generations of people depend on some pastor writer or other person to set their ideas of womanhood or manhood rather than discovering God’s plan without human corruption of thought. Some parents set their parenting by Dr. Spock (is that the right name). Others had Dr. Dobson. But the children bore the wounds of those one sided perspectives into the next generation. Every generation of the 20th and 21st century has done this. We learn from people’s ideas. Some ideas are of great value; other wounding. And I have one of those to share.
    My Grandmother was of strong German stock (I saw the same ideas in a friend who spent years in Germany after the war as a missionary). She (my grandmother) raised her 4 kids through the depression, as a widow. It was survive or not survive!
    When her son (my dad) and my mom had their 3 children she would come to help and at times she and her youngest son lived with us. She made it clear that we were not to be rocked and held and it was fine to leave us in our beds crying day or night when Mama went out to help milk the cows, slop the pigs, hoe the garden, sleep at night. No great baby carriers in those days, nor even strollers. And so, in the house she was to leave us crying until it was time to feed us (their schedule, not our tummy’s schedule, etc.) How she wanted to rock us, feed us when we cried, etc., she said years later but it was forbidden by husband and mother-in-law. How did we turn out? Healthy physically? Yes. Though I had health issues (runny ears, etc) for years. And so I was the whiney, crying baby who laid and cried. Emotionally how did we fare: bankrupt, complacent or angry depending on the child, silent thinkers, not sharers, my siblings are angry, critical, lonely, intelligent, talented, and my guess is emotionally hungry etc. Anger was not part of my response to life, but tears, emotionally hungry were. My mom and dad tried to make up for it in the years after they understood children better but the cradle was formative in too many ways.
    Silent whining (in a world where children were to be seen and not heard) became a way of life that the LORD stopped me in my tracks on one day through His Word and by His grace. By that time I had one husband who worked from 7:30 in the morning till 10:30 at night and 5 preschoolers playing around my feet and wakening us at night. Did I ever do it again after the LORD got my attention; I’m afraid so. I’m still learning not to: in the process of learning.
    What has been my next step: learning when to share the internal thoughts and needs and when to pray and let the LORD help me find healthy solutions for me and for our entire family But the LORD does heal emotionally, physically, spiritually. He has the perfect answers to our daily challenges and strengthens us when truly we’re too tired to go on. I love Paul’s litany of challenges in life which include in II Corinthians 11 this list: In toil and hardship, watching often [through sleepless nights}, in hunger and thirst, frequently driven to fasting by want, in cold and exposure and lack of clothing, And besides those things that are without, there is the daily [inescapable pressure] of my care and anxiety for all the churches! (Amplified; verses 28,29) And just as the churches were in Paul’s care like children so we experience the same with our children! verse 31: “The God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ knows. He Who is blessed and to be praised forevermore, that I do not lie.” Chapter 12, verses 9 helped to fill in the story and give us a place to rest when we desire to whimper and whine and complain and grumble. I better hang the verse on my kitchen window to read daily.

    He knows, He cares, and He has promised to sustain us in our weakness as we care for our little ones….even if it is sleepless, hungry (on our part) as we meet their needs for comfort, food, encouragement, love in all its dimensions 24 hours a day.

    And God bless our husbands when they help carry the load. Nelson also got up at night when I was too weary to carry on. We often got up together and talked as we cared for the child by feeding, rocking, changing, comforting. Not all husbands to but the LORD can meet our needs when our husbands don’t….back to the habit of internal whining or changing it to thanksgiving..

    Help us to trust You, LORD, not to whine, in the midst of our sleepless nights and interrupted moments of the day. Amen.

    Sorry, I’ve written so much; obviously you touched a place in my heart and mind where I also have struggled with what you struggle with.

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