“Quotable quotes,” Fong style

In the Fong house, sometimes things are said after which Shun-Luoi or I comment, “Well, that’s a quotable quote.” It helps when you have a hilarious 4 year-old in the house, but even us adults come up with something of “quotable quote” nature from time to time. I’m sure it’s probably the same in your house! Today I’m sharing some recent quotes from our household as well as a bit of the back-story behind each of them. I guarantee they will give you insight into what’s going on in our lives and hope they also make you smile.

“If you need me, I’ll be curled up in the fridge.” (Shun-Luoi) It’s the “hot season” here in Thailand and Shun-Luoi made this comment last weekend during one day that seemed even hotter than usual. The heat is really draining and I agree with him that “curling up” in our refrigerator (a great mental picture) sounds pretty appealing at times.

“Obeying your father always comes before capturing birds!” (me to Elijah) Any parent knows how easy it is to be incredulous at the things that come out of your mouth when talking to your child. I have said things I never, ever dreamed I would say – and many of them in front of other people. (sigh) This particular quote came while we were attempting to leave the house recently. Trying to go anywhere with a 2 year-old and 4 year-old always feels like herding cats and this instance was no different. Shun-Luoi had asked Elijah to do something, but Elijah ran off with his fishing net talking about how he needed to go “capture birds.” Sorry son, capturing birds will have to wait when your dad asks you to do something.

“Baby, mama, daddy, baby-mama-daddy.” (Abigail, multiple times each day) I’m telling you, this girl sees the world through relationships. I don’t know if that’s common or not for most 2 year-old girls, but it is for mine. Here’s an example … we can be reading a book that has 3 elephants on one page. All 3 elephants are the same size and look exactly the same, but within seconds, Abigail has designated one to be the baby, one the mama, and one the daddy. It’s really fascinating and I love watching how she takes in the world around her.

“Dad? A little help with the frog, please?”

“My heart was just ruined!” (Elijah) Elijah has been a regular “Tom Sawyer” of sorts recently. Last week, he has caught a worm, avery fat frog (with the help of his dad), and a butterfly. Each was set up fairly nicely in a home consisting of a garbage basket. Aftercatching the frog, he put it in the basket and I told him he would not have to put anything over the top because I figured the frog was too fat to jump out. As it turns out, I am not a frog expert and the fat little guy proved me wrong. He ended up hopping out and jumping into a nearby drain. My son came to me, declaring that his heart had been ruined because the frog had jumped away. Seriously, where did this kid hear of such a concept of one’s heart being “ruined?!” Anyway, lest you worry, he made a quick recovery when he eyed the mango I was cutting up as part of our dinner and exclaimed, “Ooh, yummy – mango!”

“You can take your “mai pen rai” and shove it!” (me) The Thai phrase “mai pen rai”  (my-pin-rye) means “no worries” or, “don’t worry about it.” Flexibility and a more laid-back approach to life in general are highly valued here in Thailand,* and you will hear this phrase often. My husband, though actually half-Chinese, is basically Thai in temperament. I’m serious. One of his sisters once said that if Shun-Luoi was any more laid-back, he would be comatose! While a bit dramatic, it is true that he can really roll with just about anything; it’s really slightly maddening quite remarkable! Truth be told, I do admire this about my husband and would like to be more like him in this way. Anyway, one of our first weeks here, he was uttering, “mai pen rai,” quite frequently regarding things that didn’t go as we had planned, had taken longer than expected, etc. One day when I *might* have been a bit stressed out, he said the phrase and I, mostly joking, told him what he could do with his “mai pen rai.” Folks, if you can’t laugh about these things, then you shouldn’t move to another country. You just have to in order to stay sane!

And those are just a few of the gems coming out of the Fong household these days!

What about your household? Any quotable quotes you’d like to share?

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* I am not claiming to be a expert on Thai culture after living here a mere 6 weeks. However, you don’t have to be here long to pick up on some of these things – plus, I have the luxury of discussing them with someone (Shun-Luoi) who previously lived in Thailand for a year. End of disclaimer.

Restocking my tool belt

A few weeks after moving to Thailand, I had a few days of feeling sad and a bit down. I’m guessing neither emotion is particularly uncommon to have in the midst of our current life circumstances. However, being the introspect I am cursed blessed to be, I wondered where those feelings were coming from. Was I down because I was feeling a bit like a bird who had had its wings clipped due to my loss of independence? Was it because I missed my friends back home? Maybe it was because my husband had returned to work and I missed seeing him as regularly as we did the first few weeks here? Actually, it was probably a bit of all of those things plus others I was unaware of.

I was eventually able to put my finger on it. I was struggling because I had lost many of my tools.

We’re not talking about power saws, hammers, and screwdrivers here, but the tools each of us uses in order to navigate the roles we hold. I have a specific set of tools that helps me to be a somewhat “competent” (whatever that means) mother, manager of our home, and wife, to name my three biggest roles. If I don’t yet have some necessary tools, I (hopefully) am working on developing them. Let’s take my role of motherhood as the example for the remainder of this post. A few of my  non-tangible “mothering tools” are the attitudes and philosophy I approach parenting with. Other tools are tangible – for example: the list (often mental) of activities I often do with my kids, the skills I want to be working on with each of them, the snacks and meals I feed them, and the groups of friends I often initiate playdates with, just to list a few. These tools help me to mother my kids individually in the ways Shun-Luoi and I feel are best for them as well as our whole family.

But what if I can’t easily get to the grocery store? What if the foods or snacks I am accustomed to feeding my kids are somewhat expensive here or I can’t even read the labels on the food in the stores? What if I don’t have a car in which to take my kids to try out different kid-friendly places I would normally have been to by now? And if I did have a car, what would I do when I don’t know how to drive in the right side of the car and on the left side of the street? What if my kids have no friends with whom to even initiate playdates?

Moving to Thailand has caused me to lose most of the tools I had acquired in America that helped me be the competent (again, used loosely) mother I knew how to be. Now what?

Some days, I feel as though this is the extent of the “tools” I am working with …

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the answer to that question. However, I spent a day or two of “chafing” under my new reality bemoaning the fact of not being able to do this or not having the resources to do that. After those few days, I realized that chafing was not going to be helpful for anyone. Is any kind of chafing ever a good thing? Not that I know of, although I’m sure I could find some instance where it is if I researched long enough. But, in relation to this discussion, chafing is a bad thing. I needed to move past the chafing stage and instead accept my new set of life circumstances along with the reality that I was going to need to develop some new tools. See? No rocket science needed to make that deduction.

Along the way, I’m learning some important principles about the new tools I will develop for my tool belt.

1. Attempting to re-create similar tools that “worked” well for me in America while here will probably lead to frustration. I live in a very different culture with different resources available. I can’t try to transplant all that I did in America to here, and that’s ok.
2. Ask expatriate mothers who have lived here longer to share specific ways they have learned to carry out their role as mothers while living here. Other women here are already doing it – I need to be humble enough to learn from them and be open to new things, even if I would never have previously considered using the tools they suggest.
3. Watch how the Thai mothers mother their kids (and/or ask them if possible). For pete’s sake, if I won’t be open to learning from the Thai in their own country, then how arrogant am I? At the same time, I need to accept that not every tool will transfer across cultures and not try to force myself into mothering like a Thai woman when I am not Thai.
4. Get comfortable with the fact that re-stocking my tool belt will take some time. Just as I gained some new tools when I first became a mother of one, then some different tools when I had my 2nd child, my new tools will also take time to acquire.

Enough time has been spent chafing. Now it’s time to learn, grow, and add some new tools to the old belt. It will surely be interesting to see what that belt holds 6 months from now!

Have you ever had a season in life that demanded you acquire some new tools for a role you hold? What did that process look like? Expat moms, do you have any advice to pass along?

Getting out of the comfort zone

I might know a thing or two about being out of my comfort zone.

I mean, moving to a new country, living among neighbors who speak a different language, eating a lot of new foods, and not having any form of getting myself around sans help might just qualify me as someone out of her comfort zone.

Let’s put it this way. After getting married, Shun-Luoi would often remark, “Wouldn’t it be so great to move our family overseas to live for a time?” to which I would usually freak out, both internally and frequently outwardly. Nope, I had never had that thought. That didn’t sound “great” to me on any level, really. And while I promise I did not move to Thailand kicking and screaming and that I really do believe coming here was God’s best thing for our family, I am out of my comfort zone.

Being out of that zone can be really hard. On the other hand, it can be really rich. I am trying things I never thought I would try. I am doing things I never thought I could. Sometimes, I “fail.” Sometimes I don’t. It’s all part of it. However, even though I don’t have to try to get out of my comfort zone these days, I still try to be intentional to try new things and attempt new challenges each week.

Here’s an example. Two Swedish families live near us (Note: there are many westerners based in Chiang Mai while they do work with different NGO’s … living near Swedish folks isn’t all that weird of a phenomenon here.) and one of the families has 4 kids, 2 of whom are boys the ages of Abigail and Elijah. After meeting the family, the dad invited us down to play anytime. Awesome! But there’s one small “hitch” – the boys speak mainly Swedish and Thai. But hey, my kids need playmates and would it really matter to the kids that they speak different languages?

I won’t lie. A playdate with the Swedish kids went on my “challenges to undertake” list. Not because the kids didn’t speak the same language, but also because their nanny speaks Thai, which means I would be able to communicate with her very little. However, because my comfort really wasn’t the most important thing, I knew we needed to take that play date challenge sooner than later after meeting these particular neighbors.

We went for it about 1.5 weeks ago. I asked someone if I needed to call and make arrangements with the nanny for us to come over. Nope, no need for that, I was told – just show up and see if they’re home (everything is much less scheduled here; I’m sure in time I will enjoy that aspect of Thai culture ). So, off we went – Elijah and Abigail excited to play with some friends and let’s be honest, to play with some fresh toys, and me excited about the opportunity for my kids, but also a bit apprehensive at how it would all go.

I wish you could have seen it. These four little blonde kids checked each other out, the 2 little Swedes brought their toys to my kids to share with them, and eventually, the 3 boys played while Abigail did some cooking at the play kitchen. The boys’ nanny and I would engage different kids, I helped the older Swedish boy with counting in English, and Elijah chattered away like his new friends could understand him perfectly. The nanny and I communicated mostly through smiles. And do you know what? Everyone survived. And beyond survival, everything went well! I often just wanted to sit back and laugh at the entire scenario; it really was comical at times.

I am grateful we went. I’m grateful God is giving me the grace to put myself/us out there to try new things even though I have to intentionally plan for such times. Our entire family is being stretched and challenged in ways we never would be if we just holed up in our “comfort zone,” whatever that is right now. It’s scary at times, but I’m finding the apprehension of trying the new things is scarier than actually doing them 98% of the time. And so my confidence is growing … and so am I.

One of Elijah’s new challenges is learning to ride his bike without training wheels!

What about you? What are some new challenges you’ve tried as of late? How did they go?

10 lessons from our first month

First month in Thailand, that is.

Yes! Today (May 6th) is the one-month mark from when we first arrived in Chiang Mai. There have been difficult times, somewhat brutal heat, and tears, but there have also been moments of laughter and joy along with sweet family times. When Shun-Luoi thought it would be fun to blog separately on the top 10 lessons we have learned this first month, I was mostly in. Except for the “top 10″ part of it. It’s a bit too much pressure to wade through all of life’s current lessons and pick the top 10, so I instead give you simply …

Ten lessons I’ve learned in our first month of living in Thailand (in no particular order):

1. Having lizards and cockroaches in my house is not the end of the world. I still hate cockroaches but have finally killed a few myself. And the other day when a small lizard darted around the wall behind our bed, I didn’t even flinch. Hooray! Baby steps, people, baby steps …

2. Having small children is both one of the greatest things and hardest things right now. Having 2 little dependent ones keeps me from having too much excess time in which to overanalyze every thought and feeling I experience (see #10 below). However, having Elijah and Abigail is also really hard because they’re so dependent on me (yep, the old double-edged sword). There are times I wish I had a bit more space to process life and just “be” in the midst of all we’re adjusting to.

3. Thai food is very tasty. I’ll be honest – when we went out for any kind of Asian food back in the States, I would order the same “safe” dish; stir-fried vegetables with chicken and steamed rice. I know, I know … boring! But hey, I’m not a hugely adventurous eater and I like to order food I know I’ll enjoy when paying for it. I was pleasantly surprised by the use of potatoes in one Thai dish – yes, I’m from the midwest – and have really enjoyed trying multiple different rice and noodle dishes, as well as a delicious mango with sticky rice dessert. Yum!

mango with sticky rice, anyone?

4. Being in contact with loved ones in the States is hugely important for me, but I have to be careful to not misuse social media. Doing so could easily keep me from living life fully here. I also have to be aware of not using social media to simply numb myself to any loneliness or other difficult emotions I may be currently experiencing.

5. The familiar can be incredibly therapeutic. Things like spending time with other Americans/westerners, eating familiar foods from home, and listening to American music (from the 80s, 90s, or whenever; it doesn’t matter!) are really good things for my soul. Seriously.

6. Figuring out “life-giving” ways to care for myself is imperative. Things I have found so far that accomplish this? Listening to worship music, iced lattes, writing, sweeping our driveway (!), resting in our air-conditioned bedroom during the hottest time of the day, and morning walks.

7. Flexibility is highly valued by the Thai people. As a result, living here is some sort of cruel joke on me. Actually, I think it’s going to be a huge gift because even though I have grown in the ability to roll with the punches and let things go, I still have much to learn in this area. I’ll have no choice but to do so in this laid-back culture.

8. My capacity here is very different than in America. I don’t even know the nuances of how that all works at this point (nor may I ever), but I do know that simply living day-to-day life is much harder. Accomplishing even small things takes much more effort. I’m not sure how much is due to the heat, language differences, being car/motorcycle-less at the moment, or other things, but it’s just harder. When I’ve talked with other expats living here, many have mentioned that what I’m experiencing in this area is pretty typical.

9. My tendency toward introspection is both a great gift and great curse. I am wired to always want to get at the heart of why I’m feeling or thinking certain things. My training as a counselor adds an additional dimension to that. BUT – sometimes you just don’t need to analyze your thoughts and feelings. In our current life circumstances, introspection helps me have a better sense of what I’m struggling with or … causes me to freak out. [insert pulling of hair]

10. I need to allow Jesus to meet me where I’m at these days. Whatever I am going through or struggling with is not beyond who He is or His reach. This song, passed on as a reminder to me from my brother, speaks to that truth beautifully.

And believe me, those ten are among many other lessons I am learning. The learning curve is high these days, folks!

Are you curious what Shun-Luoi chose as his ten lessons? Read about them here.

Being someone’s “rock”

It can be a scary thing to discover you’re someone else’s rock; that they look to you, in a sense, to interpret what is going on around them and for stability in the midst of anything life brings.

But I am just that. I am the “rock” my kids look to*, especially right now in the midst of crazy transitions that come from moving from America to Thailand.

I think our kids always look to us as their parents to help figure out just what’s going on in life. Then again, they are probably not trying to figure it out as much as they just need to know that everything is ok. Take for example my kids. I would not say that touch is their #1 “love language.” I mean – they are ok with being touched, but aren’t going to naturally hug someone or always need to be physically close to us. Until we moved to Thailand, that is. See the picture below? Yep, that’s about what it’s been like. Actually, I think they’re doing it a little bit less, but for the first couple weeks, they wanted to be close. Very close. Not all the time, but for a large percentage of the time. They each needed to know where exactly in the house I was if not in sight. They would fight over who would sit in my lap and if the 3 of us sat down, they had to be within about 2 inches of me. Now imagine those scenarios in 100 degree, high-humidity, weather. Wow.

Elijah, Abigail, and me getting cozy  (excuse the box shape of Abigail’s rear end; they are the best diapers we have found here so far – ha!)

Let’s just say these times haven’t always been my favorites.

Because hey, I’m trying to figure it all out, too. I’m experiencing sensory overload, am fairly overwhelmed at least once/day, can speak very little Thai, and am trying to figure out how to accomplish even the small things in our days. I need some space to process life and if I’m honest, two little ones looking to me and needing me so close cramps “my style.” As the first days of us being here continued to pass by, I started becoming impatient easily, speaking in anger, and would often say, “Please get off me; Mama just needs a little space!”

And then, at some point last week, I felt very challenged in my attitude. I realized just how selfish I was being. How would I feel if my true Rock, God, basically told me I was being too needy during times of upheaval and transition? That I was asking too much of Him, wanting to be too close to Him, seeking too much comfort from Him? That I needed to just quit asking Him to be my stability because, good grief – He needed some space from me.

Well, ok. Consider me sufficiently challenged, God.

When I thought more about how my attitude needed to change for the sake of my children (and everybody, really), I thought more about the fact that I am the rock my children look to. One of my first thoughts was, “Oh, those poor kids.” Seriously! Me? Imperfect, impatient, easily angered, sinful me? Yikes. But yes, me – including all the aforementioned messiness. I also realized that being my children’s rock was not only a huge responsibility, but a privilege that came with being a mother. A costly privilege, but a precious one. A further realization was that of, “Oh man – I so cannot do this on my own! Only by the grace of God can I be this for my children!”

And so, by God’s grace, I will be just that, albeit imperfectly … Mama, their rock. I will let them climb up in my lap even when sweat is pouring down my face and when the scenario at hand could be pulled off more easily (ie. dinnertime) if no one was in my lap. I will let them be in the kitchen with me while I am working there even if they will possibly make a mess or get into things they should not be. When they ask me to lay next to them while they’re falling asleep, I will do it more often even though I have other things I’d like to get to.

I will also continue talking to them about Jesus, their true Rock, the one who will always be with them and never fail at being their stability and comfort. The one who will always speak the perfect truth into whatever transition (or no transition at all) or difficult circumstances they find themselves in. And hopefully, they will see a bit of Him in the way I seek to be their rock.

“There is no one holy like the Lord, indeed, there is no one besides You, nor is there any rock like our God.” 1 Samuel 2:2

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* Shun-Luoi is also a rock for our kids, but for the sake of this post, and because I am with the kids more throughout the days, I focused on the mother-child relationship.

Sawatdee kah!

That is, “hello!” from Thailand!

I knew it had been a long time since I last posted, but didn’t realize it has actually been one month to the day. You would think that I had been busy wrapping up life in America (along with being sick and having a sick son our last week in Colorado) and moving to Thailand or something …

Oh wait, I have.

We left Colorado on March 30th – it was sad to leave, but by the day we did, it was time. Amidst the many emotions experienced in those last days, I was mostly relieved to leave. Not because I was glad to leave my friends and life there, but because there comes a time when the details need to be wrapped up and the thinking/praying/planning about leaving needs to end … and you just need to go. And so we did, heading onto the next thing that God has for our family.

But first, we headed to San Francisco for about 4.5 days. Shun-Luoi suggested that we take some time there to rest and take a deep breath before hopping a jet to Asia and it was seriously one of the best ideas the man has ever had (and he has a lot of good ideas!). We spent time with one of Shun-Luoi’s brothers/his family, some good friends of ours who live in the city, and had some great family time. It was refreshing and good for us in so many ways.

Shun-Luoi and our kids in the ocean (our kids’ first time!) near San Francisco

On April 4th, we headed to the San Francisco airport with our 6 checked bags and carry-ons. From there, we boarded our flight to first head to Tokyo, Japan. The flight took just over 11 hours. After a short layover in Tokyo, we flew from on to Bangkok, which took 6 hours. We then had a 7+ hour layover in the Bangkok airport, and first thing in the morning (April 6th, April 5th back in the States), we took the short, 1 hour flight to our new home, Chiang Mai, Thailand. Whew – that was a long 30 hours, friends! However, God was so gracious and things went incredibly smoothly. Our kids were traveling rockstars – they were seriously awesome and we were so proud of them!

We’ve now been here for 2 weeks. Sleep schedules have now flipped (another process that went surprisingly smoothly!), we’ve moved into the house we are renting, and so many new experiences have already been had. Overall, we are doing well and adjusting in small ways. Although things have not always been easy, we have much to be thankful for and look forward to what God has for us in this new adventure.

A tuk-tuk, one of the modes of transportation we have been utilizing since moving here

Thanks for rooting for us in the whole process – it has been a delight to have so many people pray for, encourage, and support us throughout the process of getting over here. We are grateful! I look forward to continuing this “roadtrip” now here in Thailand – I hope you’ll stay with me for the ongoing ride!

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What kinds of things do you want to hear about from this side of the ocean? I don’t presume to be an expert by any means, but would love to share some of the things you would especially like to hear about – feel free to leave a comment with any suggestions … thanks!

On being brave

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” (Ambrose Redmoon)

Being brave (courage is a synonym of bravery) is something I’ve been thinking about quite a bit recently.

One reason behind this is that my kids have been getting a few more vaccinations lately to catch up on several specific vaccines series as we prepare to leave the country. Each time before we head to the doctor, we talk to the kids about being brave and that the shot will only hurt for a moment before it’s all over.

After one such appointment, Elijah sadly told me that he hadn’t been brave because he had cried while the shot was being administered. My heart sank. Had I somehow communicated that to cry was not synonymous with having courage? This was not what I had intended at all. As a result, both Shun-Luoi and I now often talk with the kids more in-depth about what it means to be brave. It doesn’t mean that you were not scared or didn’t cry in certain circumstances. It does means that, even if you were scared or uncertain, you did what you needed to do in those situations. Contrary to what my son thought, he had been brave.

This is often how I feel these days …
(photo credit: benipop via stoch.xchng)

Another reason behind my recent musings on courage is our upcoming move to Thailand, which we embark on in 2 weeks. More than one person has told me they think I am brave or that they could never be so brave as to do what we’re doing. Let me tell you, I don’t feel all that brave. While I have experienced great peace about this move and feel incredibly confident that this is the next thing God has for our family, there are definitely times where I experience fear, uncertainty, confusion, sadness, and tears. But, in the midst of those feelings and the unknowns of such a transition, I am still moving ahead and doing what needs to be done in order to move to Asia(!) By God’s grace, I am being brave. By God’s grace, I will continue to be brave.

Many of us tend to think that, if fear, sadness, or some of the other “negatively-viewed emotions” (I would argue they aren’t something we should get so freaked out about, but that’s for another post) are present, we somehow are failing at what we are supposed to be doing. There is a time and place to reflect on why we’re feeling such things and if there is something at the root of the emotion that needs to be addressed. However, when did we begin thinking we should be super-human and not have emotions? Such expectations are ridiculous and unbiblical in my opinion. This clearly relates to the topic of courage because experiencing uncertainty, fear, sadness, etc. in the midst of doing what you are supposed to do does not mean you aren’t brave. I would argue you aren’t brave only if you don’t do what you are supposed to do in a specific situation.

I love the above quote by Ambrose Redmoon. Although we might face some fear or other emotions that threaten to paralyze us, my son and I still do the things being asked of us. Why? Because we’ve decided that something else is more important than anything we might be feeling.

We might not feel brave, but we are.

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I’m guessing most of you also have areas of your life in which you’re having to be brave right now. Care to share about them or about your thoughts on courage in general?

Something to make you (and me) smile …

Things have been a bit serious here on My Daily Roadtrip lately, so I thought I’d lighten things up a bit.

Recently, Shun-Luoi has been doing a personal project in which he interviews people on their thoughts regarding the concept of “home.” He then creates a short video of the interview and combines it with some still photography to put together a blog post about each interviewee. I may be biased, but I think it’s a really cool project and I’ve found the different responses he has gotten from people pretty interesting.

This week, Shun-Luoi’s blog post featured our son, Elijah. The video is hilarious and I thought you all may enjoy it. It not only gives you a snapshot picture of my son, but also shows a bit of what Shun-Luoi can do with video. Check out the entire post here, then be sure to watch the videos of the previous 3 interviewees.

Yep. That’s my son – what a boy!

Something had to give

Have you ever had one of those seasons in life where things are much more intense than usual? Where the pressure leaves you feeling alternately crushed by it all and discouraged more times than you would like to admit?

As previously mentioned, that intense time for me/my family is happening right now. The emotional and mental stress that comes with a change such as moving overseas is, quite frankly, enormous. However, I’ve already mentioned that several times, so won’t go on about it in this post. Let’s talk about you. Have you had one of those times in life recently (or even now)?  I’m talking about times when life’s stressors are particularly overwhelming; these stressors can be of a positive or negative nature. Have you moved recently? Had a baby? Had a child require what seems like constant attention because of bad behavior/attitude? Think about your own life. We’ve all had those more challenging times at one time or another.

About a week and a half ago, I realized that I was trying to carry out life as usual in the Fong household as well as prepare to move overseas. I was stressed to the max and this stress surfaced everywhere. It showed up (especially) in my relationships with my kids and my husband, as an almost constant undercurrent of anxiety,  and in constant feelings of exhaustion in every sense of the word. It all came to a head and it wasn’t pretty, but it was relieving to finally put my finger on at least part of the problem. I couldn’t do it all. I wasn’t allowing for the extra things that needed to be done and the added stress that was simply a reality in this season of our family’s life. Something had to give.

Write it down. Pray. Think. Cross things off. Breathe.

Right. But then came the more challenging part – figuring out what needed to be set aside, at least for just a time (if not permanently). I sat down with pen and paper and wrote down the things I give most of my time to. I wrote down the things I felt like I “should be” doing. I wrote down all the things I wanted to do before leaving the country. I prayed and thought about it all. I then started crossing out. Some things were easy and were a relief to cross out. Other things were much harder. But folks, I can’t do it all. And neither can you, at least without consequences. And you know what? It’s ok. Really, it is. Because if you don’t allow something(s) to go, more important things will be affected as a result.

Here’s an example. One thing I am letting go of right now is related to our meal-times. I am keeping meals simple. I am not trying many new recipes. Because we don’t have a dishwasher, I am using a lot of paper plates. (gasp!) If I don’t let go of making more elaborate meals, trying new things, and using real plates, I have less time for the things that really need to be done and for those who mean the most to me.

I have deactivated my Facebook account (for now). I sent out a mass email on behalf of our family in order to thank multiple people for Christmas and birthday gifts rather than writing individual cards. I try not to schedule social engagements or appointments for us every day of the week in order to keep some breathing room in our days. I continue to ask God to guide our days and lead me to cut out further things that still need to be cut out.

And … voila’! Now everything is easy!

Except it’s not. The stressors are still there. There are still many, many things to be done. The reality of it being a harder time is just that; a reality. But I have a choice in how I respond. I can keep going and try to do everything “as normal” plus the additional things needed to be done. Or I can admit that something has to give.

I did, and now I’m making the necessary changes. And it’s a good thing, friends. A good thing.

How about you? Does something in your life have to give right now, either for a season or more permanently?

Why every family should live in a small home

Ok, ok – maybe not every family, and maybe not even for all that long but seriously, living in small spaces, both before as well as after having kids, has been a great thing for our family. We have encountered situations and learned things we never expected to, and at times, one or both of us (mostly me) has wondered if our sanity was being lost, but overall – it’s been highly beneficial.

a cabin similar to the one we currently call “home”

We currently live in a 500 square home and I wanted to share my top 7 benefits of living in a smaller place (in no particular order):

1. Cleaning and “tidying up” takes less time. Minutes before Shun-Luoi came home from work the other day, I realized our place was a wreck and that I needed to at least do a quick tidy-up job of the entire house. It took about 5-7 minutes. Yes!
2. We have less stuff because we don’t have room for much. I’m learning that, as a general “rule,” more stuff = more cleaning/organizing/and caring for said stuff. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a ton of extra time or emotional energy in each day, so I don’t want to give much of what I do have to inanimate objects.
3. We get outside more often, because … well, it’s a matter of sanity. My children (ages 2 and almost 4) are very active and if we’re not outside going on a walk by around 10 am, we begin going a bit crazy. We often get out for even 2 walks each day – I don’t have them running laps or anything; just walking around, exploring, saying “hi” to our neighbors, petting any dogs that walk by, that kind of thing.
4. I get up from the table less often during meals. I’m not kidding! Some meals, I feel I am always getting up to get someone’s water, more of this, more of that, etc.  Now, I can basically open the fridge and reach most other things right from my seat at the table because of the size of the kitchen! Hey, it’s called looking at the glass as half-full, people.
5. We have been reminded how little room we actually need. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not judging anyone who lives in more than 500 square feet. In fact, up until 1.5 months ago, we were in a house just over twice the size of our current home. We enjoyed the space. However, we are now being reminded how we can also do just fine with less. I have a friend with 4 kids under the age of 4 living nearby in the same amount of space we are – this friend consistently makes it work for her family (with a good attitude) and watching her always challenges me that I can do the same. This particular lesson is helpful in light of our upcoming move. Due to the difference in the cost of living between here and Thailand, we could afford a larger home there than here. However, we’ve now been reminded that just because we can afford something doesn’t mean we need it.
6. The kids get into less trouble because I can hear what’s going on in the entire house from basically anywhere else in the house!  Note that I said, “less” trouble, not “no” trouble.
7. Living in close quarters brings an intimacy that at times, can be lost by living in more space. At times, I miss having the opportunity to be in a room where I cannot hear anyone else in the house. However, living in our current space means that we live life more closely together. Even if my kids did enjoy playing in the room for hours by themselves, I would still be able to hear them, converse with them easily, and generally not feel like they were off in a different wing of the house separated from the rest of the family. I am not against people having space to be alone in a house, but the family unit has enough challenges these days without encouraging each member to live somewhat separately in different parts of the house.

Let’s be real here. There are times I wish we had more space. There are real drawbacks to living in a small space, especially with small children. But the benefits have been great, particularly in the areas of learning to be creative, living with less stuff, and relationships. These things alone mean it’s been incredibly worth it.

If you live in a small space, what are some of your favorite things about doing so? If you live in a larger home, are there any things that appeal to you about living in a smaller space? Do you think I’m/we’re crazy? (it’s ok – you can say it)